just call me barfy mcbarferson.
my second beta was monday, which was 5 weeks on the dot and also the day i started throwing up everything like it was my job.
2nd beta @ 21dp3dt - 11,180. which, coincidentally is how many crunches it feels like i have been doing since monday and the start of my barfing marathon.
other symptoms: continuing tiredness, constipation, dry skin, and week long migraines. i welcome all of these symptoms with open arms, after all, i have waited 3 years to have morning sickness. the migraines on the other hand? they can kiss my ass. i had them before pregnancy so i don't feel like it is one of the "joys" of pregnancy.
i went to acupuncture yesterday for the nausea, vomiting and migraines. i can home and threw up instantly so i doubt that the acupuncture was much help. my husband did get me some sea bands and besides getting a pressure ulcer from the spots on the inside of my wrists, they seem to help some. he also gave me a nice massage that helped dull my migraine. he's the best.
our first u/s is wednesday, july 2.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
4 weeks, 3 days
or, are you gonna eat that?
symptoms so far:
incredible ability to eat all day long - this has been going on since 2dp3dt though, so i don't think i can really blame pregnancy. probably IVF med/hormone induced.
sore boobs - they feel as though my husband has been using them for a punching bag while a piranha simultaneously chews on my nipples. the PIO shots make them sore as well, so i don't think it's all pregnancy related.
tired - getting worse, but also from the PIO shots. and no caffeine.
bloating - unless i have 20 babies in there, i'm blaming the PIO as well. annoying b/c when will i know when i am really starting to show?
disgusting veiny chest - gag. i look like an anorexic corpse from the boobs up.
crampyness - this has been happening on and off since the retrieval. sometimes they are so bad they wake me up, which i find unsettling. this and the veinyness are the only things that i can completely blame on the pregnancy.
all in all though, i feel great and we are on cloud nine. i'm not complaining about any of the above symptoms, at all. just find them fascinating. after all, our baby is only the size of a poppy seed right now.
we are still so incredibly excited and in disbelief at our pregnancy news, while at the same time trying to be cautious and not get our hopes up too much yet. i love the way my husband kisses my belly and says sweet things to the baby(s) that are in there. i don't ever want this to end.
next beta is on monday the 22nd. the first ultrasound will be the week of the 29th. these next 2 weeks are going to drag by, i can already tell.
symptoms so far:
incredible ability to eat all day long - this has been going on since 2dp3dt though, so i don't think i can really blame pregnancy. probably IVF med/hormone induced.
sore boobs - they feel as though my husband has been using them for a punching bag while a piranha simultaneously chews on my nipples. the PIO shots make them sore as well, so i don't think it's all pregnancy related.
tired - getting worse, but also from the PIO shots. and no caffeine.
bloating - unless i have 20 babies in there, i'm blaming the PIO as well. annoying b/c when will i know when i am really starting to show?
disgusting veiny chest - gag. i look like an anorexic corpse from the boobs up.
crampyness - this has been happening on and off since the retrieval. sometimes they are so bad they wake me up, which i find unsettling. this and the veinyness are the only things that i can completely blame on the pregnancy.
all in all though, i feel great and we are on cloud nine. i'm not complaining about any of the above symptoms, at all. just find them fascinating. after all, our baby is only the size of a poppy seed right now.
we are still so incredibly excited and in disbelief at our pregnancy news, while at the same time trying to be cautious and not get our hopes up too much yet. i love the way my husband kisses my belly and says sweet things to the baby(s) that are in there. i don't ever want this to end.
next beta is on monday the 22nd. the first ultrasound will be the week of the 29th. these next 2 weeks are going to drag by, i can already tell.
Monday, June 15, 2009
what a difference a line makes
late updates:
we went ahead with the retrieval after finding out that i probably only had 5-7 eggs that would be mature enough. ER was 5/29. 8 eggs were retrieved, 6 were mature and 3 fertilized. we did a 3dt on 6/1 and transferred 2 embryo's. one was already starting to compact and one was an 8 cell. both of them looked very good and we were strongly persuaded not to put all 3 embryo's back since they felt the risk of triplets was too high. so, the third embryo grew a few more days and was frozen 5 days after the ER.
beta was today. it was 686. my clinic likes numbers that are >100. i go back next week for another beta and in 2 weeks for our first u/s. i am officially 4 weeks pregnant today!
i don't even know what to think. i have peed on 9 sticks since 6/10 and all of them have been +, so while it wasn't a shock, it was. i felt like i really couldn't say "i'm pregnant" until after the beta. even now, it seems foreign. but a good foreign.
while we are over the moon excited, i also feel some hesitation for this post. it has been 3 years, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 111 injections (and still going), countless tears and prayers. i know all too well that sinking feeling of reading that yet another person is pregnant. especially after recent failed treatments. i know the feelings of rage, jealousy, hopelessness and unfairness that come from reading about another person's BFP.
i hope that soon all of you ttc will get to feel this too.
we went ahead with the retrieval after finding out that i probably only had 5-7 eggs that would be mature enough. ER was 5/29. 8 eggs were retrieved, 6 were mature and 3 fertilized. we did a 3dt on 6/1 and transferred 2 embryo's. one was already starting to compact and one was an 8 cell. both of them looked very good and we were strongly persuaded not to put all 3 embryo's back since they felt the risk of triplets was too high. so, the third embryo grew a few more days and was frozen 5 days after the ER.
beta was today. it was 686. my clinic likes numbers that are >100. i go back next week for another beta and in 2 weeks for our first u/s. i am officially 4 weeks pregnant today!
i don't even know what to think. i have peed on 9 sticks since 6/10 and all of them have been +, so while it wasn't a shock, it was. i felt like i really couldn't say "i'm pregnant" until after the beta. even now, it seems foreign. but a good foreign.
while we are over the moon excited, i also feel some hesitation for this post. it has been 3 years, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 111 injections (and still going), countless tears and prayers. i know all too well that sinking feeling of reading that yet another person is pregnant. especially after recent failed treatments. i know the feelings of rage, jealousy, hopelessness and unfairness that come from reading about another person's BFP.
i hope that soon all of you ttc will get to feel this too.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
IVF #2, take 2
a lot has been going on since my last post.
-i graduated. (pics to be posted if i ever get un-lazy)
-i've been doing things around the house that i have neglected to do for the last 2 yrs while in school.
-i am constantly searching for jobs. turns out, there's not much to choose from right now. just super.
-we started meds for IVF #2 3 days ago as follows:
AM: 20 units micro dose lupron and 225 units gonal-f
PM: 20 units micro dose lupron and 225 units menopur.
they suck. a lot. i have a constant headache, some hot flashes, more rage fits than i remember having last time and of course bloating. it's fine though. i know we are lucky to be able to try this, so i'm not even close to complaining.
my baseline u/s and b/w were monday. i wanted to kick my own ass for even going back to the RE when the u/s lady asked me "so, did we get lucky?!" to which i said "we didn't get anything. if you'll notice, you are doing a CD 2 u/s on me. but hey, it's just a minor detail, right?" i thought about being extra pissed from that point on, but then she quickly corrected herself and asked if we were changing the meds around and reassured me that they often see better results when they put patients with a poor response on the protocol that i am now on. she also said that i have nice antral follicles that are like "ladies in waiting." corny, but it made me smile. my E2 level was 9. i go back tomorrow for my first monitoring appt. hopefully my lazy ovaries are done being stubborn and get their shit together.
-i graduated. (pics to be posted if i ever get un-lazy)
-i've been doing things around the house that i have neglected to do for the last 2 yrs while in school.
-i am constantly searching for jobs. turns out, there's not much to choose from right now. just super.
-we started meds for IVF #2 3 days ago as follows:
AM: 20 units micro dose lupron and 225 units gonal-f
PM: 20 units micro dose lupron and 225 units menopur.
they suck. a lot. i have a constant headache, some hot flashes, more rage fits than i remember having last time and of course bloating. it's fine though. i know we are lucky to be able to try this, so i'm not even close to complaining.
my baseline u/s and b/w were monday. i wanted to kick my own ass for even going back to the RE when the u/s lady asked me "so, did we get lucky?!" to which i said "we didn't get anything. if you'll notice, you are doing a CD 2 u/s on me. but hey, it's just a minor detail, right?" i thought about being extra pissed from that point on, but then she quickly corrected herself and asked if we were changing the meds around and reassured me that they often see better results when they put patients with a poor response on the protocol that i am now on. she also said that i have nice antral follicles that are like "ladies in waiting." corny, but it made me smile. my E2 level was 9. i go back tomorrow for my first monitoring appt. hopefully my lazy ovaries are done being stubborn and get their shit together.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
cinco de hi-yooo
or, alternate title: my uterus is a worthless bag of shit.
first, best cinco de mayo ever - i took my last exam of grad school today. while it sucked, a lot, it's over. no more tests, presentations, papers, clinicals (1000 hrs that i worked for FREE). done, done DONE! i am so damn excited that i don't even know what to do w/ myself. i started celebrating by double fisting some delicious beer with my classmates to celebrate and make the horrendous test we just took a distant memory.
now, my uterus is a worthless bag of shit -
i got my period on may 1, exactly 7 damn days late. while i did not believe for a second that i was pg, i was none the less annoyed since i had to get it in order to start the meds for IVF #2. with my uterus and other reproductive parts undying quest to sabotage our IVF, it came at the exact worst time possible. we had to postpone this cycle as well b/c the prospective ER would have been too close to graduation to risk it, and i don't think my mother or husband would allow me to skip graduation;) i really didn't think it was that big of a deal b/c i recalled having this exact conversation with my IVF nurses about what we would do if things fell too close to graduation after our IVF cycle was cancelled. i remember it extremely well, b/c i took notes. that's what i do. i write shit down so there is no question later. i had written down that i could take bcp for 1 week if needed to skip an important date/vacation. 1 m-effing week. one. apparently the IVF nurses had never heard of such a thing. "one week, that's just silly, what do you think one week of bcp will do? no, you can just skip this month and try for next month" this of course led me to have a meltdown and throw a fit like a 5 yr old. b/c, dammit, i wrote down 1 week of bcp and i don't want to wait an entire month. also, i don't "have all the time in the world" as she implied. i only have infertility insurance though my current job. the job that i will hopefully be quitting in a few months after i take boards b/c i need to find a new job as a nurse practitioner. anyway, i lost and we are doing bcp for 2 weeks, then i stop and wait for af and then get the baseline u/s, blood work and start the new medication protocol. argh. extra annoying. also annoying? the IVF nurse tried to make it sound like a super great idea. at least until i told her that this is still basically sitting out an entire cycle and she didn't fool me. i am really having a strong dislike for this RE's office staff. they seem to be chalked full of liars and jerks that give false hope. i miss my old RE. damn insurance.
first, best cinco de mayo ever - i took my last exam of grad school today. while it sucked, a lot, it's over. no more tests, presentations, papers, clinicals (1000 hrs that i worked for FREE). done, done DONE! i am so damn excited that i don't even know what to do w/ myself. i started celebrating by double fisting some delicious beer with my classmates to celebrate and make the horrendous test we just took a distant memory.
now, my uterus is a worthless bag of shit -
i got my period on may 1, exactly 7 damn days late. while i did not believe for a second that i was pg, i was none the less annoyed since i had to get it in order to start the meds for IVF #2. with my uterus and other reproductive parts undying quest to sabotage our IVF, it came at the exact worst time possible. we had to postpone this cycle as well b/c the prospective ER would have been too close to graduation to risk it, and i don't think my mother or husband would allow me to skip graduation;) i really didn't think it was that big of a deal b/c i recalled having this exact conversation with my IVF nurses about what we would do if things fell too close to graduation after our IVF cycle was cancelled. i remember it extremely well, b/c i took notes. that's what i do. i write shit down so there is no question later. i had written down that i could take bcp for 1 week if needed to skip an important date/vacation. 1 m-effing week. one. apparently the IVF nurses had never heard of such a thing. "one week, that's just silly, what do you think one week of bcp will do? no, you can just skip this month and try for next month" this of course led me to have a meltdown and throw a fit like a 5 yr old. b/c, dammit, i wrote down 1 week of bcp and i don't want to wait an entire month. also, i don't "have all the time in the world" as she implied. i only have infertility insurance though my current job. the job that i will hopefully be quitting in a few months after i take boards b/c i need to find a new job as a nurse practitioner. anyway, i lost and we are doing bcp for 2 weeks, then i stop and wait for af and then get the baseline u/s, blood work and start the new medication protocol. argh. extra annoying. also annoying? the IVF nurse tried to make it sound like a super great idea. at least until i told her that this is still basically sitting out an entire cycle and she didn't fool me. i am really having a strong dislike for this RE's office staff. they seem to be chalked full of liars and jerks that give false hope. i miss my old RE. damn insurance.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
39 days
we decided to wait to take another stab (yea, i said 'stab') at IVF until after graduation. it was a hard decision, i am tired of waiting and things coming up. but really, i have 39 days until i graduate. waiting would mean a lot less stress and a lot more free time on my part. it just makes more sense to wait.
i have never been more relieved after we decided to wait. last week i was just in a funk about the whole thing. i'm still so frustrated and mad about the first IVF cycle. this little break will give me time to get over that and get ready for the next one.
my acupuncturist wants me to keep seeing her at least every week. i'm not going this week and don't know when i plan on going back. she really didn't help me much with the last cycle, so maybe i'll just revert back to dancing around my fertility statue*
*i do not dance. i do not have a fertility statue, but if you are looking to get rid of one, feel free to send it my way.
i have never been more relieved after we decided to wait. last week i was just in a funk about the whole thing. i'm still so frustrated and mad about the first IVF cycle. this little break will give me time to get over that and get ready for the next one.
my acupuncturist wants me to keep seeing her at least every week. i'm not going this week and don't know when i plan on going back. she really didn't help me much with the last cycle, so maybe i'll just revert back to dancing around my fertility statue*
*i do not dance. i do not have a fertility statue, but if you are looking to get rid of one, feel free to send it my way.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
wickety-wack
while i was not planning on poas today, i had to in order to know if i needed to stop the progesterone suppositories or not because lets face it - anything that has "suppository" in the name is not fun. and, like i figured, it was a BFN.
disappointed? yes.
surprised? not at all.
i talked to the IVF nurse and she said to call the office when af comes and i decide when we will be doing the next round of IVF so we can set up the baseline u/s and b/w. i still haven't decided if it will be april or may.
on the bright side, if we wait until may i can get rip-roaring drunk after my last final before graduation and eat all the sushi and soft cheese i want until then.
that's all i got today. over and out.
disappointed? yes.
surprised? not at all.
i talked to the IVF nurse and she said to call the office when af comes and i decide when we will be doing the next round of IVF so we can set up the baseline u/s and b/w. i still haven't decided if it will be april or may.
on the bright side, if we wait until may i can get rip-roaring drunk after my last final before graduation and eat all the sushi and soft cheese i want until then.
that's all i got today. over and out.
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